I used to dread the next feed and now I can’t imagine stopping breastfeeding

I thought I had an idea on breastfeeding before my little boy came along but the truth is, I had no idea at all. 

At around 37 weeks pregnant I started to harvest colostrum and this seemed quite easy. I loved seeing the little syringes filling up and felt confident I could breastfeed once baby was here earthside. 

After giving birth I really wanted skin-to-skin

I was sent for an induction at 41+3 which didn’t go to plan and ended up with an emergency C – Section at 41+5. I explained to the midwife I wanted to breastfeed and that skin to skin was important. But as I was in theatre it all seemed a lifetime waiting for that precious moment of skin to skin in the recovery room.

The midwife was so patient and persevered with helping my baby latch. Looking back I’m so grateful to her because of her patience and help. I ended up being in the recovery room for 2 hours as there wasn’t anyone to take me to the ward. This gave me more time with the midwife to let my baby breastfeed.

The midwife was so patient and persevered with helping my baby latch.

I was unprepared for the sleep deprivation

Once I was back on the ward little did I know it was going to be two rough nights alone with my baby. I was nowhere near prepared to be awake for two nights solid. My baby was constantly attached to my nipple but I was able to hold him properly due to the pain from my C-Section.

It seemed to me that my baby was the only one crying overnight and everytime the baby would latch the crying would stop. I thought ‘is this it? Is this what breastfeeding will be until we stop?’ I asked a member of staff to help change my babies nappy as the pain from my surgery was awful and I burst out crying. She said ‘if you’re struggling I can give the baby a bottle of formula so you can rest’. However that made me even more determined to breastfeed, as I didn’t want to give up in that moment. 

My sister was my biggest breastfeeding support

I was extremely fortunate that I had my sister to text whilst in the hospital. She was there to explain how normal it is that my baby was cluster feeding and that’s why he was attached to me feeding. I had no idea of this behaviour. And she was there in the middle of the night cheering me on. Without her I’m not sure we’d be where we are today. 

Things were going well and then after about 2 weeks of being home and breastfeeding I ended up with nipple trauma to the point where I would cry through feeds. I DREADED the next feed and would close my eyes and think ‘I can’t do this anymore’. But, again my sister was a message away. She text me and said you need to go back to basics and work on the latch. So back to the nursing pillows and working on the latch is what I did! The nipple trauma healed quickly and we were doing great. 

Things were going well and then after about 2 weeks of being home and breastfeeding I ended up with nipple trauma to the point where I would cry through feeds.

It was one breastfeeding challenge after another

Then not long after mastitis hit and again I thought ‘surely all these obstacles is a sign to stop’ BUT again my sister was a text away and got me a late night appointment to the doctor so I could get medication. We overcame that hurdle and things started to fall in to place. 

The next challenge was breastfeeding in public. I didn’t think I would ever leave the house. I would only walk to the end of my street incase my baby wanted milk. So going anywhere where my house wasn’t in view seemed impossible.

Yet again, my sister was a text away and said ‘we’re going for a coffee’. She said it’s like ripping off a plaster and once you’ve done the first public feed you’ll continue to do them. I remember she stood in front of me whilst I got myself ready and then she passed me my baby. There I was feeding my baby in public whilst having a coffee with my sister. I couldn’t believe it. I felt on top of the world. And no one cared. 

Gradually I started to really enjoy breastfeeding

From then on I aimed to get to 6 – 8 weeks so I could pump and introduce a bottle. But when 6 weeks came I didn’t want to introduce a bottle. Breastfeeding was the only thing I had and I started to enjoy it and the bond I was growing with my son was so precious. 

I thought I would be in my house forever, with my baby breastfeeding all day long but it doesn’t last. The time goes so quick. I’m so grateful I made the sacrifice because when we got to about 10 weeks it was like riding a bike. I loved having milk ready at anytime my son needed it. And more so, what was so important to me was the benefits of breastfeeding which was nothing to do with feeding him. Breastfeeding gave my son comfort, our bond grew, I learned about him and myself on a deeper level and so much more. 

I now can’t imagine stopping breastfeeding

We are now at 11 months exclusively breastfeeding and I can’t believe there was a time I would dread the next feed. I now dread when we stop breastfeeding because this journey has been the most difficult and selfless thing I have ever done. My sister was the best support I could have wished for and I owe so much to her! 

I now dread when we stop breastfeeding because this journey has been the most difficult and selfless thing I have ever done. 

My advice to anyone wanting to breastfeed is to get support. Even if there is no one you physically know there are so many wonderful places online for help. There will be challenges along the way but it makes the journey all that much sweeter. There will be obstacles, but if you can keep your eye on the goal. I promise it will be the most rewarding journey you’ll ever make. 

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” – Henry Ford

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