Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled with my body image—and my breasts were a significant part of that struggle.
Around the age of 13 or 14, I realized that I wouldn’t develop the breasts I’d imagined. My development seemed to have stopped at a 10-year-old’s level, leaving me with small, pointy buds. By the time I was 15, I’d resorted to wearing massive push-up bras with double or even triple layers to create an illusion. I quit swimming altogether to avoid the disheartening sight of my chest in a swimsuit.
At 16, I entered my first relationship, but I didn’t let anyone see my breasts until I turned 20. Back then, the internet wasn’t very accessible in my native language, so I scoured every resource I could find to understand why my breasts looked so “funny” or “weird.”
My mom, who had a breast augmentation after breastfeeding three children, decided it was time to consult a plastic surgeon. Finally, I had some answers. I learned that I had tubular (or hypoplastic) breasts, a condition that affects breast development during gestation. On top of that, I had inverted nipples. At least now I knew it wasn’t my fault or something I’d done—as silly as that sounds, it was a huge relief.
My mom, who had a breast augmentation after breastfeeding three children, decided it was time to consult a plastic surgeon.
The doctor offered corrective surgery but advised me to wait until I was older. So, I decided to hold off, hoping that one day I’d feel more confident.
Years passed. I fell in love, got married, and eventually revisited the idea of surgery. The plan involved three separate procedures to achieve my “dream” breasts. But life had other plans. In the meantime, I was told I might not be able to have children without medical intervention due to my Hashimoto’s, PCOS, and insulin resistance.
Then, by chance, I found an endocrinologist who gave me hope. He explained that managing my blood sugar and hormone levels could improve my chances of conceiving. To our biggest surprise, I became pregnant soon after.
The surgery had to be postponed again. During my pregnancy, I immersed myself in learning about breastfeeding. For me, breastfeeding wasn’t just about feeding my baby; it was a way to give my breasts a sense of purpose.
But the odds were stacked against me. Tubular breasts, PCOS, Hashimoto’s, and insulin resistance—all of these conditions can negatively impact milk supply. To make matters worse, inverted nipples can create additional challenges with latching. Despite this daunting reality, I resolved to prepare as much as I could.
Tubular breasts, PCOS, Hashimoto’s, and insulin resistance—all of these conditions can negatively impact milk supply.
My daughter arrived on her due date, and I had hoped for immediate skin-to-skin contact, as I knew breastfeeding was just around the corner. However, things didn’t go as planned. Although I longed to feed her during the golden hour, she couldn’t latch right away.
To make matters worse, after birth, she was whisked away for newborn checks and kept from me for 18 hours due to staffing issues. I repeatedly asked for her, but I was told there were no pediatricians available, and without their approval, I couldn’t have her. This was heartbreaking, and in hindsight, I realize it was my right to be with my baby.
When I finally got her back, I tried to breastfeed in a crowded room with five other women and six babies. It was overwhelming, but I focused on our moment. A nurse came in to help with newborn basics and asked someone to demonstrate the basics.
Of course, she picked me to show how to hold the breast – the last thing what I wanted. What followed was a humiliating experience. She looked at my breasts and bluntly told me, “With those, you won’t do it, hun.” The pain she caused while pinching my breast to show how to hold it was horrible, and after she left, I felt terrible. But one of the other moms stepped forward and offered support, suggesting I try a nipple shield, as she had successfully breastfed her previous children.
The pain she caused while pinching my breast to show how to hold it was horrible, and after she left, I felt terrible.
I rushed to buy the shield, not knowing anything about sizing, but at least my baby latched with them.
However, it wasn’t the soothing experience I had expected. It was painful—everywhere, from my belly to my thighs, and my breasts felt like they were on fire. Still, the mom who helped me reassured me that the discomfort was normal, and the contractions would eventually go away.
At home, I became obsessed with weighing my baby after every feed and pumping multiple times a day—10 to 15 times—to build a ‘good supply’. Little I know about oversupply and that engorgement is not normal, but at least I could see my daughter gaining weight as expected.
After eight weeks, I realized I had turned breastfeeding into a chore rather than the healing process I had hoped for.
It was time to wean off the shields and reduce pumping so I could go out, sleep comfortably, and not leak into my coffee (yes, I’m serious!).
In four weeks, I was free of both shields and pumps. By the 12th week, I had fully embraced breastfeeding without extra tools. I also discovered that inverted nipples can still pop out, though no one had warned me that it could be painful.
I also discovered that inverted nipples can still pop out, though no one had warned me that it could be painful.
Meanwhile, most of my friends were giving up breastfeeding, and many moms in my baby group faced issues with weight gain. It seemed like everyone was struggling with breastfeeding challenges. But as I thrived, I became deeply interested in understanding what caused these issues.
I began reading more about breastfeeding and found myself dedicating more time to learning about it than my old job. This passion led me to volunteer as a breastfeeding supporter. It became clear to me that the lack of knowledge around breastfeeding in society was leading many journeys to be lost.
I pursued training to become a breastfeeding counsellor while continuing to feed my daughter. We reached six months, then one year, and I had no clear goals left—just keep going. I survived challenges like the first bite, illness, and the occasional judgmental comments.
After becoming qualified, I moved to the UK, left my old job, and founded Latch On Breastfeeding Support. I also trained as a La Leche League Leader and decided to pursue IBCLC certification.
I also trained as a La Leche League Leader and decided to pursue IBCLC certification.
Breastfeeding has transformed my life. It helped me make peace with my body, change my career, and most importantly, allowed me to breastfeed my daughter for 3.5 years. All of this was sparked by one nurse’s comment telling me my breasts weren’t “good enough.”
This journey that started with so much self-doubt, turned to a healing, and empowering experience, and also led me to help other moms who face similar struggles. I am forever grateful for the lessons breastfeeding has taught me and how it has reshaped my life.
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