This article mentions birth trauma and postpartum mood disorders.
Why did pumping and donating milk become such a light in my life? It is so much extra work. Why would I want to do that when I already had babies to feed? Well, for me it felt like a type of redemption.
Both My Births Were Traumatic
The births of my sons were complicated and traumatic. I pushed for six hours trying to birth my oldest son only to need an emergency C-section. All this, after trying the vacuum four times. Even though I wasn’t put under general anesthesia, I was unconscious for 12 hours directly after his birth.
For my second son, I tried a VBAC but things didn’t go as planned and this too made for a harrowing experience. My initial C-section scar started to rip. To my absolute dismay, this second birth, which started full of hope for a vaginal delivery, turned into even more of an emergency and I was put under general anesthetic for yet another emergency C-section.
My Mental Health Suffered
My mental health took a steep decline. Postpartum depression, anxiety, and PTSD had gotten a hold of my brain and the climb out of that hole was arduous. I had hoped that my second birth would feel like an emotional turning point but with the outcome it felt like a swift kick while I was down.
After my first birth, for my brain, I needed breastfeeding to work. Since everything else had gone sideways, it felt like the only thing left that could redeem my body. After my second, it was a soft cushion of knowledge for me to land on and every day that I breastfed and pumped felt like tangible proof that I was in fact a good mom. It helped shush my negative self-talk and gave me hope for myself as a mother.
Every day that I breastfed and pumped felt like tangible proof that I was in fact a good mom.
An Oversupply Led To Donating My Milk
Pumping was a big part of my life from the beginning. I had to triple feed my first son for three weeks after we came home from the hospital and at the advice of my doctors I accidentally pumped myself into an oversupply. Luckily my body didn’t mind it and it didn’t cause me to get clogs or mastitis.
As I nursed my first son my extra pumped milk slowly filled my freezer allowing me to donate my oversupply. Over that year I donated about 1000 ounces to various local moms who needed it.
Donating to a Friend of Twins
When I was pregnant with my second son, my friend Liz also got pregnant. She found out she was having twins and she started to worry about how to feed them. She had previously had reconstructive surgery on one of her breasts which resulted in the loss and damage of some of her milk glands.
Liz had successfully exclusively breastfed her previous single baby, which is incredible! However, it would be exceptionally difficult for her body to make two babies worth of milk from mostly one breast. I thought about it for a while and decided to ask her if she would be open to donor milk. We discussed it for a while. I had no idea what realistic expectations I could have for my body in terms of measurable oversupply and I felt nervous about disappointing her. What if I couldn’t do it again or it became too stressful to pump with my toddler and my newborn?
Ultimately we decided that I would just see what I could do and we would go from there. We were both apprehensive but excited about the possibility of sharing that load a little bit. Two moms, three babies, and three and a half working boobs, it didn’t feel impossible.
I Pumped Whenever I Could
My son was born four months before Liz’s twins. I started pumping from day one. To my excitement, it wasn’t tragically difficult and I did have a decent oversupply! I pumped whenever it felt easy during the day. I got a wearable pump as a gift from a mom’s group that I was in and that was a game changer. I pumped on one side while I nursed my newborn. I quickly started to collect a stash.
I pumped on one side while I nursed my newborn. I quickly started to collect a stash.
When the twins were born, I would drive to Liz’s house with coolers full of milk and we would stock her freezer. I would pump on the way to her house so the twins could have fresh bottles when I got there. I even got to feed them their bottles sometimes, which was so magical for me.
Sharing the Load and Building Connection
For the first few months Liz and I held it together on just our milk supplies. Liz was deep in the trenches trying to feed them around the clock. Nursing on demand for both babies and caring for her toddler took a massive toll on her and she began exclusively pumping. She did that for a few more months.
For the first few months Liz and I held it together on just our milk supplies.
It was amazing to watch her work so hard to feed her babies. She gave it her all, she tried multiple pumps, and everything possible to boost supply. She eventually decided to lighten her load, pump what she could, use my milk and supplement with formula to complete the twins diet.
Pumping Was Now A Huge Part of My Life
During this time I kept pumping and pumping away whenever I could. It was a huge part of my life. I felt so honored to specifically feed those babies. It’s one thing to gift your stash to a mom and baby that you’ll never see again, but it was something else entirely to be in these babies’ lives and help nourish them consistently. Liz and I called our babies “milk siblings.”
I ended up pumping for Liz’s beautiful little twins until they were 10 months old. I only stopped because Liz moved out of state and there was no realistic way to get the breastmilk to her that didn’t cost an arm and a leg. After that, I kept pumping daily but relaxed a bit about trying to keep my supply as high.
I ended up pumping for Liz’s beautiful little twins until they were 10 months old.
I Finally Stopped Pumping To Donate Milk
I finally stopped pumping to donate when my son was 15 months old. It was hard for me to let it go, I was giving up a huge part of what made me feel successful but it was so hard to pump that much. It was exhausting and when I think back to that time I truly can’t believe my body was able to do all that. I thought I would be so eager to leave my pump in the dust, but pumping gave me an extra side quest in life that I really loved.
I ended up handing off 3,752 ounces of breastmilk to Liz and her babies. Including Liz, I handed off 5,623 ounces of breastmilk across seven mamas throughout my entire breastfeeding journey.
I ended up handing off 3,752 ounces of breastmilk to Liz and her babies.
Milk-Sharing Is Natural
When I look back on this story, it feels so natural to milk-share. It feels so simple that if one mom is struggling to feed their baby or babies then another mom could step in to help.
We have become so isolated as parents, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic. Breastfeeding my son alongside feeding the twins and mothering with my friend in that way healed parts of me that nothing else could have. In the end my body didn’t fail me. It was a victim of circumstance but despite that it is a resilient survivor.
