Breaking the Judgement Cycle: Every Breastfeeding Journey Is Unique

I was attending a trade fair before Christmas and I got loads of positive feedback about my business from a range of people. But one lady who stopped by my stand only had a negative viewpoint on the breastfeeding support products on offer.

This lady turned to my staff member and asked, “What you are doing here? You don’t need any of this to breastfeed. You just need to hold your baby in your arms.” Again she repeated: “You don’t need all this stuff”, this time with so much disgust in her voice and face.

My poor staff member tried to tell her about the backstory to my business and the challenges I faced on my breastfeeding journey. As I pricked my ears up to listen, I could quickly tell the lady was not interested in what was being said. She just kept saying “No, No, No, it’s all wrong, all this stuff now”. There was no changing her mind.

I meet people like this from time to time, and normally it never really bothers me at all…until she told me what she did for a living. I couldn’t believe it when she said she was a lactation consultant who helped mums all the time. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. My staff member, who was new to the world of breastfeeding, wisely remarked: “How can she say she is helping women, if she is so limited in her views?”. My thoughts exactly…

Petrina is the proud owner of multiple businesses, including Mama’s Boobie Box

Venting My Frustrations On Social Media

Honestly, this woman’s thoughts sat with me for weeks, until I let it out in a social media rant. I don’t really care who likes my business, who loves or who disagrees with her. But it was her adamant viewpoint that mums don’t need anything. I didn’t even discuss it with her at the time as I could tell she didn’t want to listen to anyone else’s viewpoint.

Mainly it hurt me, because of my own experience. After 5 days of struggling to get my first baby to latch and feed from the breast, a midwife advised nipple shields to help her and to start pumping and give her expressed milk.

I had been holding my baby in my arms since the minute she was born, as she just did not want to be put down. I had done everything to try and feed my baby and I still couldn’t. Nipple shields were the only way we got a latch – and I was so grateful for the practical help and support I had been given. A breastfeeding product saved my breastfeeding journey. Yet, according to this lactation consultant who visited my stand, a mother shouldn’t need any product to help her breastfeed.

I had done everything to try and feed my baby and I still couldn’t. Nipple shields were the only way we got a latch.

I Was Close To Giving Up Breastfeeding

Ironically, with all my experience, three years later I found myself in the same position with my second girl. Just like her older sister, she wouldn’t latch without the use of nipple shields.

Whilst I never needed to pump or give formula top ups, without the simple advice of nipple shields I would not have been able breastfeed. My breastfeeding journey would have ended – like so many mums – within the first few days.

Every Breastfeeding Journey Is Different

Each mum’s breastfeeding journey is different, even each baby’s feeding journey is different, as I can strongly testify to. I couldn’t understand how this lactation consultant’s opinions were a one way fits all approach. 

‘Support should meet you where you are’. That was shared with me by a good friend of mine who is a midwife. It perfectly summed up all the ways we are failing mums with our blanket support approach.

I believe so many more mums would try breastfeeding if we talked about more about combi-feeding (giving baby both formula milk and breast milk), or pumping along with exclusive breastfeeding. Exclusively breastfeeding isn’t always possible for a lot of mums and if they think it’s all or nothing they they may not even give breastfeeding a go.

If we have in our heads that there is just one way to feed, then mums who are struggling may give up earlier than what they would have wanted. Instead mums should feel empowered to find a way to feed their baby in a way that suits them, their family dynamic, and their lifestyle.