My journey to motherhood was long and complex. At 47, I decided this would be my final attempt via IVF. To my delight, it was successful and my pregnancy was straightforward. I was fit, healthy and felt amazing. I planned for a home birth and was really looking forward to finally getting to meet my longed-for baby.
I had hoped and planned for a home birth
I had hoped and planned for a home birth as I wanted minimal intervention. Then at 24 weeks, my waters broke in the night, and contractions started.
At 24 weeks, my waters broke in the night and contractions started.
I drove myself to hospital, stopping along the way each time I had a contraction. I was in and out of labour for several days and eventually transferred to a specialist hospital a long way from home.
I delivered James naturally a few days later. I heard his little cry and then moments later I was rushed to theatre as I was bleeding heavily. I hadn’t really appreciated at the time how serious the situation was and that both of our lives hung in the balance.
I didn’t think I’d be able to produce milk for my premature baby
Weighing just 1lb 6oz, James was moved to NICU. I didn’t see him for about 24 hours while I recovered. For the first few days he was given donor breast milk. I am eternally grateful to all the amazing women donating milk. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
A wonderful nurse encouraged me to hand express my breasts and a few days later I produced a few precious drops of colostrum. I didn’t think I’d be able to produce milk for my premature baby but I was wrong.
I expressed milk throughout James’ stay in NICU
Slowly but surely, my milk increased and I expressed milk for James for his 12 weeks in NICU. Although it was hard work, it gave me a real focal point. With so much of his care out of my control, being able to do this one vitally important thing for my baby felt significant.
From day one, the nurses showed me how to give the milk via his gastric tube and it felt positive to be involved in his feeds each day.
I was fortunate enough to be given parents accommodation within the hospital, which meant I could spend large parts of the day sitting with him and expressing by his incubator.
From day one, the nurses showed me how to give the milk via his gastric tube and it felt positive to be involved in his feeds each day.
As time went on, I was producing almost double what he required, so I was able to build a good stockpile in the freezer.
At 32 weeks we were transferred to my local hospital
At around 32 weeks, he was transferred to my local hospital. The culture there was very different, ranging from overly authoritative to hostile. Parents were not permitted to give tube feeds, although an explanation was never given. Being excluded from his feeding regime, having been part of it for 6 weeks, was very tough.
I made it clear that I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and so in the final 2 weeks there we started the transition. The very first time I offered my breast his little face lit up and he latched straight away. It was such a magical moment – a dream come true.
James is thriving now he is home
We are now at home and James is thriving. I tend to breastfeed on demand throughout the day and also express so that I can give bottle feeds at night. My supply is very low in the evening/night and so I sometimes use top-ups from the frozen milk when required. Having said that, only a small amount remains. After which I may need to top up with formula, something I’ve very much wanted to avoid. But I’m grateful to have got this far (20 weeks) and provided I can continue to provide him some breast milk, then I’ll take that as a win!
I tend to breastfeed on demand throughout the day and also express so that I can give bottle feeds at night.
The best bit about our journey is that despite all the medical intervention involved in the conception, delivery and neonatal care of James, we were brought back to nature through breastfeeding. I have a newfound respect for my body and all it is capable of. The entire experience has catapulted me through immense personal growth and I’ve come out the other side transformed for the better.
