We all have our own image of how motherhood will pan out. You have a beautiful pregnancy where everyone compliments you on your ‘glow’.
Then you slowly and gently breathe your baby out when the time comes, without medication or intervention. And then, as your baby is placed onto your chest, they find their way to your nipple and begin to breastfeed. We don’t imagine that things can go wrong.
Melody arrived at 35 weeks after 24 hours of painful labour that wasn’t actually doing anything but leaving her in distress. She weighed 7lbs 7ozs but didn’t take her first breathe for 4 minutes which meant I never met her until she was 8 hours old.
Whilst Melody worked her way through the NICU, I was shown how to express, in order to try and harvest colostrum. When I woke at 6am the morning after I gave birth, I walked over to see her and was told about pumping. Without blinking I followed the nurses around to a private room and was taught how to use a breast pump to express milk. For three days I followed a strict routine: wake, pump, clean, sterlise, sleep, repeat.
For three days I followed a strict routine: wake, pump, clean, sterlise, sleep, repeat.
During this time, we tried to get Melody feeding directly from the breast. She knew exactly what she needed to do without hesitation, but was overcome with frustration that she wasn’t getting anything else in return. I began to struggle with my motivation.
I thought to myself ‘So what if she needed formula. Obviously my breastfeeding her just wasn’t meant to be’. But then, on day three, suddenly my milk flowed! I practically ran through the NICU, milk in hand, crying in relief and joy. From there, our journey truly began. For four month we did a mixture of breast and formula. After that we switched fully to formula feeding. I was always so conscious that she was never full from me that it wasn’t the beautiful journey I dreamt of.
Almost four years later Felicity arrived three weeks earlier than Melody, weighing a tiny 5lbs 3ozs. The initial starting point wasn’t too dissimilar to what I went through with Melody. Like her sister, Felicity was whisked off to the NICU, and I met her leaving as I was leaving recovery and on my way to the ward.
When my midwife came over to help me harvest some colostrum for her, she was amazed at how much I produced. We sent 10mls of colostrum over within the first two hours of her life. Then I began pumping every three hours again, this time for 10 days. Unfortunately, Felicity seemed to struggle with breastmilk for a little while which meant we couldn’t start breastfeeding straight away. We had a couple of introductions to the breast and finally on day 10 she latched perfectly and ate like she’d never eaten before! When Felicity was 13 days old she was discharged and on her way home.
When we found out we were pregnant with our third child, Felicity was only 8 months old. Although I wanted to continue to feed her, I was so worried about tandem breastfeeding and how I would manage. I therefore decided to end our incredible breastfeeding journey.
When we found out we were pregnant with our third child, Felicity was only 8 months old.
After stopping breastfeeding, we were heartbroken when we ended up suffering a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks.
Charlie arrived at 29 weeks, weighing 3lbs 14ozs. He was perfect. He was placed on my chest not long after his arrival and I finally had my beautiful caesarean moment. I lay there, my blood gushing from my body to the floor, with my beautiful human on my chest. Nothing else mattered.
Charlie arrived at 29 weeks, weighing 3lbs 14ozs. He was perfect.
But as soon as it began, he was taken away and rushed to the NICU. A few minutes after he disappeared, a midwife appeared holding a small 1ml syringe to try to get some colostrum. Everyone was in awe when milk just flooded my breasts. She got what she wanted in seconds and laughed that she should have brought a pump into the operating room instead! Once I was back in my own room, I requested a pump and – barely 2 hours after Charlie was born – I pumped 30mls of milk.
Over the six weeks and five days we were in hospital, I ended up racking up around 2,000mls of breast milk a day. The nurses would joke that it was enough milk to feed all the newborn babies on both the NICU and maternity ward. I was so proud.
Over the six weeks and five days we were in hospital, I ended up racking up around 2,000mls of breast milk a day.
When Charlie transferred to another hospital at five days old, we filled two insulated lunch bags with what I had in the freezer. On arrival Charlie’s nurses couldn’t quite believe how much we had. The only thing I could do for my tiniest human, was make milk. And I did that by the bucket load.
At six days old, Charlie’s doctor said he was happy for him to, effectively, play with my nipples. He wanted Charlie to become familiar and begin to recognise what he needed to do. At 30 weeks gestation, there was no expectation of any kind to latch or feed.
The next day, when my partner Matt was on his usual nightly visit, Charlie was awake enough for a little bit of boobie time. So I cuddled him in close, hand expressed a small amount of milk onto the tip of my nipple and began stroking his cheek. A minute or so later and Charlie had licked twice and then opened his mouth as wide as it would go before a perfect latch!
The lactation nurse happened to be working the night shift and she practically sprinted over to watch Charlie properly breastfeed for the first time. Her jaw dropped and she leant in closer to observe Charlie gulping down a few mouthfuls of breastmilk. None of us could quite believe what was happening. After 5 minutes, Charlie passed out with a milky glaze around his chops.
It took us a little while to have proper feeds due to waiting for the caffeine to hit his system properly and for him to be awake long enough to feed. This was around the four week mark and we were allowed to feed on demand/alertness. As the nurses would still top up his feeds through his feeding tube we only ever treated it as feeding for fun. And then one day, he suddenly just… fed. Properly. And for every three hourly feed.
I’d been living in the NICU parent room everyday, but suddenly I was trapped. I had to be there for every feed, as it was up to me whether he had more milk via his tube or not. He fed beautifully and it was the most incredible feeling.
A few days after being 34 weeks, he decided he wanted to pull his tube out. I’d already let the nurses know that once he could try a bottle, if I wasn’t around or asleep, they were okay to do so. My track record with the girls made me realise the benefits of both bottle and breastfeeding. As I fed Charlie to sleep during the night I told the nurses they could put the tube back if he was struggling with a bottle or if I was flat out sleeping when they rang over for me.
I had such a great sleep that night, however I woke up engorged and so I pumped before heading over to see Charlie. I was surprised to see no tube had been inserted and even more surprised to find out he’d taken his night feeds beautifully by bottle! For the remaining two weeks he was in the NICU, he became a breast-eating expert!
I had three such different starts to each of my breastfeeding journeys, and I’m so proud of each one. They humbled me in ways I never imagined and made me so much stronger as a person. To go through three major abdominal surgeries, dedicate myself to pumping every three hours for days or even weeks, and then to have babies who breastfed beautifully…well, I know how lucky I am.
I created three incredible, strong and determined humans. And I showed myself just how incredible, strong and determined I was in return. Breastfeeding premature babies after emergency C-sections has been the hardest thing I’ve ever ever done – and I’ll forever be so proud of our journeys beginnings.
Breastfeeding premature babies after emergency C-sections has been the hardest thing I’ve ever ever done
You can read more about Sophie’s breastfeeding and pumping experience with her children here.
Discover more mama stories and articles about breastfeeding after a c-section here.
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