My eldest has just turned nine and as many parents do…. I have been thinking back to him as a baby. A lot.
I was the first of my inner circle to have a baby and aside from a couple of relatives and the odd friend who had breastfed past the first few weeks, I didn’t really know how or where I would find support. But I did. And let’s just say some of those supporters were not who I would have expected.
Breastfeeding in Public Fears
I will never forget the time I sat feeding him in the doctor’s waiting room after a round of vaccinations. I always offered the breast during and after appointments like these to soothe and settle him. The only problem was I wasn’t alone in the waiting room. I had fed in public, sure but it was just me and one man. As my son was now a few months old his feeding behaviours were getting more noticeable…and noisier. As he fed he was humming away in appreciation and just as I began to cringe…. The man said: “He’s enjoying that! My wife breastfed all ours and couldn’t get them off it.” A breastfeeding ally I had NOT expected.
The things is I have discussed with friends in the past that I had always worried I would be criticised for breastfeeding in public but, fortunately, I never was. My friend had bottle fed her baby and worried she too would receive criticism for that choice but she never did. We can be incredibly hard on ourselves and worry deeply about the judgment of others.
I had always worried I would be criticised for breastfeeding in public but, fortunately, I never was.
Pumping Away From My Baby
When my son was four months-old I went away for my best friend’s hen do. A decision I did not take lightly and had been very nervous about. I pumped religiously and felt pleased I had left enough breastmilk in the freezer to sustain him for the two days I was away but… I needed to keep pumping while away to maintain my supply.
Whenever my husband gave a bottle at home, I would stop what I was doing in Madrid (on one occasion mid-flamenco lesson!) to go and pump. This started in the bleary-eyed hour that we arrived at a London airport. I told my friends I would be back and headed off to the loo to pump. Grim. That is the only word to describe the chilly (lidless?) toilet I perched upon to pump. Funnily enough those odd surroundings were not conducive to getting my milk going so it took a while.
Friends Who Normalised Feeding and Pumping
When I returned to my gang and they asked where I had been, I told them. A good friend of mine said (for which I will always be grateful) that I should treat pumping like my baby was with me. Basically she was saying that I should just stay with them and pump wherever we happened to be. Hallelujah! On that trip I ended up pumping in a sports bar, a park in the city centre and even in the changing room of a Madrid flamenco studio!
My lovely room mates for the trip even put up with me pumping late at night and early in the morning saying the rhythmic noise was actually quite soothing. Bless them!
I ended up pumping in a sports bar, a park in the city centre and even in the changing room of a Madrid flamenco studio!
My Mother-In-Law Was Always Encouraging
That leads me on to my next supporter whom I was not surprised by but I know other people may not experience this level of support from an in-law. My mother-in-law is a midwife and a total gem. She introduced me to hypnobirthing in pregnancy which has gone on to shape me in many ways as I now teach hypnobirthing to others. She was and still is a breastfeeding advocate and it was her who suggested I could be an infant feeding peer supporter.
It wasn’t long after that conversation that I made the decision to become a peer supporter. I have now been supporting pregnant women and new parents for the last two years after completing my training with the NCT. She was always generous with her time, either listening to my concerns or offering (solicited) advice. She has often remarked how proud she is of myself and her two daughters for our commitment to breastfeeding. I appreciate many parents are committed but unable to persevere for different reasons however this is why I found it so interesting when I considered who and where I had received support.
Family Support That Made a Difference
My mum did not breastfed me but seemed in total awe whenever she saw me breastfeeding my son. She once commented that she wished she had been able to breastfeed for longer. This was 30 years on and it struck a chord to hear the longing in her voice after all that time. She listened to me moan and meant well when she suggested I give a bottle but ultimately having her around gave me comfort and also a bit of a boost to stick with it, even on a bad day, if I’m honest.
My mum did not breastfed me but seemed in total awe whenever she saw me breastfeeding my son
Lastly, my husband was keen for me to breastfeed and did everything he could to support me. He often remarked (particularly if I was having a tough day) how amazing breastfeeding was and how grateful he was to me for doing that for our son.
Why Breastfeeding Allies Matter
The crazy thing is there was a professional breastfeeding support service in my area the whole time. I just didn’t know! Even when I had my daughter five years ago during lockdown and suffered some difficulties feeding her, I had no idea and was never told that that same service was operating in my area.
I am now a proud breastfeeding peer supporter for Beside You Medway and love giving women a safe space to ask all their infant feeding questions, receive support and reliable information. I remember how overwhelming and confusing those early days felt!
References: https://besideyoumedway.co.uk/
