This is how the medical community frequently addressed me at 39:
High Risk.
Advanced Maternal Age.
It was disheartening, disillusioning, and devastating at times.
I was the happiest I’d ever been in my entire life to be pregnant with my rainbow baby girl, Ruby. I had prayed every day that I would be blessed with another baby. I was very sick and needed significant rest during my pregnancy, but my dreams had finally come true!
I was the happiest I’d ever been in my entire life to be pregnant with my rainbow baby girl, Ruby.
While some medical professionals made me feel beautiful, young, and fertile, others seemed to remind me of my age at every turn throughout pregnancy and postpartum.
My Age Was Brought Up Time and Again
“You’re relatively thin for your age”
“You aren’t as young as you were when you had the girls at a younger age”
“We have to run this test monthly because of your age”
“You don’t look your age” (kind, but still with age qualifier🤣)
I could go on for days, but I’ll leave it there.
Perhaps the most painful and poignant example of this was when Ruby was 3 days old and had lost 7 ounces (mind you, this is* totally* within the normal limits for breastfed babies).
The (female) pediatrician stated:
“Maybe your milk isn’t as good as it was when you were 29. You are 40 now and with age, milk quality goes down.”
The Negativity Began To Really Impact Me
I viscerally felt this as a dagger straight to my heart. I went home and cried to my sister who held me and assured me that I would be okay.
Being a Scorpio by birthright, I felt my feelings deeply and then, ignited my power.
I turned this aging fuel into my fire.
Baby Ruby regained her birthweight within 2 weeks and has steady gained every appointment. She rolled from tummy to back on her 2 month milestone visit, and is a strong, fierce little lady. She coos while nursing and it lights up my entire being.
Baby Ruby regained her birthweight within 2 weeks and has steady gained every appointment.
The bottom line is: all of this chatter really did something to my mama heart and my self-esteem momentarily.
In a society that mirrors physical vitality with youth, and wrinkle-free beauty, my mama glow was attempted to be dimmed at every turn.
However, with a beautiful circle of women around me, my loving husband who nourishes me to help me make milk, and my own personal agency, I rose above.
My Message to Other “Elder Mothers”
A gentle reminder to any “elder mother”.
We are beautiful, strong, and wise.
Above the chatter we will rise
A baby is a blessing at any age.
We got this.
Keep. Going
