What is a parenting topic many people feel an overwhelming urge to critique – when in reality it is not their child and so shouldn’t be their concern? Is it the amount of screen time your child has? To sleep train, or not? Baby-led weaning vs spoon feeding? Having a babies ears pierced? Little boys wearing princess dresses?
You may be surprised to find out that none of those things I mentioned have been the most “controversial” part of my parenting journey to date. Instead, the biggest issue has been the age at which I continue to give my child my milk. Even extended family feel the need to muscle in with their opinion on the matter. Yes, I am ‘still’ nursing my child at age four.
For many of us, we have to fight to be heard and we work hard to develop and establish a nursing partnership. As with many skills, nursing a baby doesn’t come as easily or naturally as the wider public would like us to believe.
For many of us, we have to fight to be heard and we work hard to develop and establish a nursing partnership.
I know personally, I had to shout and scream to receive help to develop that special healthy latch with both of my children. Each of them had different challenges and we needed to enlist the support of others to overcome them (and to boss it and thrive!). Once we had that latch nailed and effective milk transfer established, things got easier but there were still ongoing challenges throughout our journey. As my little ones grew, nursing positions had to change to accommodate their bigger size and weight.
Once both my smalls were ready for solid food (I opted for baby-led weaning, in case you’re curious) the questions from others began:
– “She has teeth now, why does she need your milk?”
– “He isn’t sleeping well, maybe cut back on your milk.”
With every negative comment that came my way, I promised myself I would feed for an additional day!
By the time my eldest turned one, nursing was finally making sense. On her first birthday I sat and fed her and cried, unleashing an avalanche of built-up emotion and setting it free. Nursing was working.
By the time my eldest turned one, nursing was finally making sense.
I was growing in confidence, awareness and education. I felt empowered and I was ready to remind anyone who criticised my body, my milk, or my child that I would carry on feeding her for as she wanted to keep going.
Representation was small to none, so if I saw or read on social media someone was feeding an older baby I promised myself I would comment to cheer them on. I wanted to elevate them, and make them feel supported. I also wanted my comments to be seen by those who fed an older child in secret – scared of what others would say. It was important to me that they felt visible and represented.
I wish that we lived in a society where it was talked about more, that tutting wasn’t wide spread and the world didn’t feel that urge to be so negative on something so natural and normal.
That was 2014, it is now 2025, and whilst I fed my daughter for 7 years and 4 months, I am on a different feeding journey this time with my son. He is 4 years and 6 months old and we still rarely see older children being fed. But I still strive to elevate those I do see – be it online or in person.
No one should say when it’s time to stop nursing – except the parent feeding and the child receiving.
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